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The early stages of addiction can place a lot of stress on other members of a family, resulting in unhealthy coping skills. But soon, this can become the new normal for a family. When the individual seeks treatment or successfully completes treatment, families can fight to maintain that homeostasis, and dysfunctional behaviours can remain.
Family members can experience common issues and fill similar roles to cope with addiction. Two of the most common problems are co-dependency and enabling. Co-dependency occurs when a family member is controlled by the addict’s behaviour. Family members often feel compelled to take care of the addict to the detriment of their own wants and needs. The co-dependent is excessively compliant, wants to avoid rejection, is oversensitive and remains loyal. Enabling takes place when someone helps or encourages the addict, either directly or indirectly. An enabler might also lie for the addict or hide the addict’s behaviour from loved ones. To cope with the addict’s behaviour, family members can develop, to some degree, certain co-dependent roles. The more well-known roles are: The Hero: The hero tries to make the family look good, often by overachieving and being successful. This person seems balanced, but often feels isolated and unable to express his or her feelings. The Mascot: The mascot tells jokes and keeps things on a superficial level to turn the focus away from the painful truth of the situation. Although this can distract others, the mascot is often fearful, embarrassed and angry. The Scapegoat: The scapegoat engages in negative behaviour to turn attention away from the addict or to react to positive attention that the hero receives. The scapegoat often turns to high-risk behaviours. The Lost Child: The lost child is the family member who withdraws from the situation. He or she cares deeply, but emotionally checks out to avoid trouble and drama. The Caretaker: The caretaker wants to make everyone happy and feels responsible for keeping the family going. As a result, the caretaker enables the addict by taking over the person’s problems and duties. Family members play a critical role in the treatment process and are strongly encouraged to attend meetings at a support group, which can help them address their loved one’s addiction while also giving them the opportunity to interact with other families going through the recovery process. Realise your addiction now and save yourself – let me help you and your family. Contact me on nadine@nadinetherapy.co.za or on 084 779 4889. Visit my website on www.nadinetherapy.co.za Credit: www.rehabs.com
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No addict takes their first drug - whether that is a substance or a behaviour - believing that they will become addicted. All addicts start out believing that they could give up drugs any time they wanted to. Every addict is sad proof of how wrong that belief is.
Another word for addiction is ‘dependence’. The two kinds of dependence we speak of are psychological dependence and physical dependence. Psychological dependence occurs when a person feels he or she needs drugs, alcohol or any other crutch to function or feel comfortable (e.g., needing to drink alcohol to feel relaxed in social situations, or needing to be high to enjoy sex). Some people eventually feel they need a substance just to be able to cope with daily life. Physical dependence occurs when a person’s body has adapted to the presence of a substance. Tolerance has developed, which means that the person needs to use more of that particular substance to get the same effect. When substance or behavioural use stops, symptoms of withdrawal occur, both psychologically and physically. You can never anticipate the effect that drugs will have on you. You could experience a very pleasant response to one drug, yet another drug could have a very frightening reaction - it could even kill you. It is a mistake to think that experience increases your tolerance levels or that nothing will happen to you if you take a drug that you have used before. It is a well-known fact that seasoned drug addicts often die of an overdose. No matter how good you may feel when using drugs, your body suffers. Drugs are dangerous. If you take drugs, you are at great risk of becoming addicted. Addiction comes with a big price tag. The more drugs you want, the more money you need to feed the habit. It is not weak people who become drug addicts, its drug addicts who become weak people. However tempting it may be, using drugs to take a break from reality will not make your problems disappear or make life better. When the drug wears off, reality will still be there with all the problems from which you were trying to escape. If you feel that things are spiralling out of control and you are overwhelmed by problems, seek real help from someone who cares. Realise your addiction now and save yourself – let me help you. Contact me on nadine@nadinetherapy.co.za or on 084 779 4889. Visit my website on www.nadinetherapy.co.za. You are likely on this page because you find yourself in a difficult place in your life that is perhaps not working, and is perhaps not sustainable. Although this feels like a time of great crisis, but may also just be an accumulation of unfulfilling circumstances, a crossroad in your relationship or career, or a bad mood that has gone on too long please remember that you are not alone! Whatever the situation feel free to contact me so that we can find a way forward to help you overcome your circumstances.
Contact me on nadine@nadinetherapy.co.za or on 084 779 4889. Visit my website on www.nadinetherapy.co.za. 4/2/2018 0 Comments Substance & Behavioural AbuseHow can you save yourself from an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography, shopping or any other destructive behaviour? How can you pull yourself out of complete depression and desperation, when you are so miserable that the only thing that appeals to you any longer is to self-medicate with your drug of choice?
Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviours. This very desperation that is making you so miserable is, in fact, the key to your new life in recovery. What you must do is to embrace the misery, embrace the chaos of your addiction, and accept it fully. Denial is when we try to cover it up, try to mask the misery, try to deny that our addiction is ruining our life, all while trying to minimise the negative effects of our disease. We try to justify anything and everything to ourselves to save face, to appear “normal,” to convince ourselves that we are not really that messed up. We lie to others, but mainly we lie to ourselves. “I’ll only have two drinks”, “I’ll only watch one more porn movie”…on and on we can go for years until our lives and those around us are destroyed because of our destructive behaviour. This is denial. The more we try to mask our disease, the deeper in we get. Our addiction spirals more and more out of control as the negative consequences continue to pile up on us. We become even more miserable, and therefore have even more excuses to self-medicate. What one needs do is surrender – as odd as that sounds. Can an addict simply decide that it is time to surrender to their disease? I think that surrender is a process that has to be worked through. We pay for our desperation with misery and chaos. You haven’t had enough misery until you have had enough misery. When you are in enough pain, you want out and then you can surrender to the disease and seek help. Unfortunately, for many, this is often too late. Realise your addiction now and save yourself – let me help you. Contact me on nadine@nadinetherapy.co.za or on 084 779 4889. Visit my website on www.nadinetherapy.co.za. Credit: Ocean Breeze Recovery; Spiritual River. 8/14/2015 0 Comments Thought of the Day10 Tips to create more happiness in tough times:
1. Be more courteous. Words and actions ripple outward like pebbles thrown into a pond. When I'm rude, I create rudeness; when I'm kind, I create kindness. Even a tiny pebble thrown into the kindness pool can make a huge difference. 2. Smile more often. Smiling is the body's way of telling my brain to be happy. Because brains have mirror neurons, my smile makes other people happy, too. Smiling is probably the easiest way of all to make the world a better place. 3. Become more mindful. Good experiences are to be savored. That's only possible if I don't let my mind wander off into the past (which is gone) or the future (which is an illusion). If I find my mind wandering, I bring it gently back to the present. 4. Listen more deeply. Listening means finding the meaning behind the sounds. Hearing is automatic; listening is intentional. When I hear but don't listen, I'm turning even beautiful sounds into just so much noise. 5. Observe more carefully. Observing means finding the meaning in what's before my eyes. Seeing is automatic; observing is intentional. When I see but don't observe, I'm blinding myself to deeper truths that lie behind the surface. 6. Interrupt less frequently. Let the other person finish their sentences, even if I'm certain what they're about to say. When I interrupt, I'm saying "you don't really matter." When let you finish, I'm saying "you are important." 7. Show more patience. Some people talk slowly and take time to get the point; other people talk fast and jump from topic to topic. I will let people communicate however it suits them and when necessary, ask questions to help them focus. 8. Judge more slowly. Your opinions and your rules for life are not universals. Everyone--even crazy folk--are doing the best they can with what they've got to work with. Therefore, I'll cut them a little slack. 9. Forgive more easily. Because I am human, I've sometimes been stupid and thoughtless. Despite that, I've asked for, and been given, many a second chance. I owe other people the same opportunity to make good. 10. Be grateful more often. I will take a moment each day to recognize all the wonderful things in my life. Even during difficult times, I will appreciate the wonder of conscious existence which, after all, is over all too soon. 6/28/2015 0 Comments The Meaning of LifeOne should not search for an abstract meaning of life. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone's task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it. ( Man search for meaning, Frankl 2006:108-109)
Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognise that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible. Thus Logotherapy sees in responsibleness the very essence of human existence. (Man's search for Meaning Frankl 2006:109) Frankl (1970, p. 50) contended that existence would falter unless there is "a strong idea" or a strong ideal or important values in life to hold on to. Frankl referred here to Freud (1927, p.113) who stated: "Men are as strong as long as they stand for a strong idea" We need to feel that there is a goal to strive towards, or that there is something to live for, that life has a purpose. We experience life as meaningful when we feel that we have a vocation in life, or a mission in life to fulfill. (Life's Meaning in the face of Suffering: Shantall 2002:18) 6/14/2015 0 Comments Logotherapy - The Will to MeaningThe Will to Meaning is man's primary motivation. It is more powerful than the Will to Pleasure (Sigmund Freus) and the Will to Power(Alfred Adler & Friedrich Nietzche)
Man is born with the Defiant Power of The Human Spirit. Man is not delivered over; man is not the victim of physical limitations, his instincts, his genes or his enviroment. Man has the power to choose! Man always has a choice - even if it is just the ability to choose his attitude towards circumstances, towards suffering, death and adversity. Meaning is not only found in that which one does (in one's work, hobbies, commitment to a cause, etc.) but Meaning can be realised in that which we experience (e.g. in nature, in art, in relationships.) Meaning can be realised through the attitude that we take in the apparently meaningless, tragic situations which cause unavoidable suffering! Man can distance himself from himself, e.g. through humour, which can help man to break life patterns and change the course of his life. Man is not determined by that what he was, by how and where he was born, but by his vision of the person he wants to be, how he wants to act! So go out and be the person you always aspired to be! The world is your oyster! Logotherapy is not satisfied with reconditioning but opens the dimension of the very humanness of man and draws upon the resources which are available in the humanitas of the homo patiens. (The will to meaning Frankl 1988:116)
Logotherapy focuses on the meaning of human existence as well as on man’s search for such meaning (Man’s search for Meaning Frankl 2008:104) The 3 Pillars (existential analysis) of Logotherapy are: 1. Freedom of Will, 2. Will to Meaning, 3. Meaning in life. The word “logos” is a Greek word which also denotes “meaning”. The word “therapy” originates from the Greek word ”therapia” which literally means ”service”. Thus, Logotherapy is a therapy through which one can be helped to find meaning – the meaning of one’s own life as many people feel that their lives are void of any meaning. Have a blessed week! 5/31/2015 0 Comments What is Logotherapy?Logotherapy is based on the premise that life has meaning under all circumstances. With this life orientation, logotherapy directs our fundamental will to find meaning in life towards realising the unique values embedded not only in opportunities, joys and challenges of life, but also in the pain and suffering. Clearly stated in The quest for destiny written by Dr Teria Shantall 2003.3 and proven by Dr Viktor Frankl throughout his suffering in life. In logotherapy, the therapist tracks down the self-curative powers of the patient such as courage, power to defy, humour and gratitude and deliberately reinforces them. (Logotherapy Textbook Lucas 2000:56) Watch this space next Monday for more about What is Logotherapy!
Have a blessed week! 5/17/2015 0 Comments Follow Me.Please follow me on my blog and social pages for news and advice.
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AuthorI use a meaning and value based approach to help people conquer their problems, challenges, fears and obstacles for a happier and more fulfilled life. Archives
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Level Four B-BBEE Contributor. Council of Counsellors Registration: IR 10177. Viktor Frankl's Institute SA (VFISA) Registration: 50155. Professional Member of International Association for Counselling (IAC). Professional Member of Mediation Academy Accredited in SA and Internationally by ADR International Register, SAAM (South African Association of Mediators), NABFAM (National Accreditation Board of Family Mediators) and ISO9001 Certified.